Naked Bob

I started writing about this in my previous post but decided it needed a space of its own since the story goes back so far and has very little to do with our vacation. It is about my older brother, Ike. Ike is what you would call a friendly guy.

To say he is an outgoing guy is the biggest understatement.

Biggest.

You know I am pretty friendly - at least I give that vibe. My younger brother, Joel is friendly as well. My older brother makes us look like Scrooge. He makes friends at the grocery store, at the crosswalk, at the park; on every corner there is a friend for him to make. Great, you think. Friendly guy.

No. Tardy guy. He would get held up on his way home from school by a neighbor lady when he would make the mistake of walking on 'her' side of the street and gracing her with a hello. That little hello would turn into an hour. Nice guys can't walk away from a conversation.


I would love, love, LOVE to see Ike talk to Naked Bob - former neighbor whose name has been withheld for privacy. Naked Bob did not literally parade around in the skin God gave him but he did wear very little. Namely shorts and flip flops.

Shorts and flip flops are OK for the following people in the following situations:

1. Boys at the beach, pool, running through sprinklers
2. Men in decent shape at the beach, pool, running through sprinklers.

That's it! All other occasions require at least a tank top - even if it is a wife beater. Preference is a T-shirt over a tank top and for extra points the T-shirt should not have any reference to the bearer of the shirt being a Female Body Inspector or a consumer of watered down 'beer' like Budweiser or Miller.

Back to Naked Bob.

Naked Bob would not be so bad if his only offense was a visual assault on the eyes but no... Naked people aren't aware of how disturbing their scantily clad selves upset the puritanical American (it's a stretch to call a Seattle-ite 'puritanical', I know) so how can they be aware that their 'conversation' is not in fact a conversation but a soliloquy that the unsuspecting listener has zero interest in hearing? The victim, er, partner in 'conversation' may as well just shine a spotlight on the drone because that is all they are good for. Well, that and the occasional, "Oh, really!" or "Mhm."

I was caught many a time in the snare of Naked Bob. Trapped by ignorance, (all newbies to the neighborhood are caught sooner or later) you stay because you have no choice - at least that is what you think. You quickly realize you have to make an exit. Fortunately Naked Bob isn't much of a 'dancer' (you retreat, they advance).

The trick is to slowly back away - you must face him and continue your affirmations of "Ohs" and "Really's". He will talk louder and louder and take a few steps in your direction but he always returns to his post to await his next victim.

Once you master this technique then you are able to move on to the walk and talk. The key in this maneuver to is to not slow down. Slowing down is the kiss of death.

I've met the neighbor in my new neighborhood that causes people to run in-doors when they see her. Fortunately I've only crossed her path once. Well, she crossed mine but still - our paths crossed. If I only run into her once every year and half that is just fine by me.

Crab, Steak, Salmon & Pizza

Although the relaxation from vacation is turning into a memory I will conjure up what I can to ....

Lessee...

The four days Ryan and I spent together were great. Like I stated previously there weren't a lot of decisions to be made. We ate, slept, walked to the beach and drove a half mile to the library. We ate out a few times. Nothing fancy. It was very relaxing.

Ryan bought a new kite. Ryan flew new kite. I flew new kite just as the wind picked up. I crashed the kite. Then I crashed it again. I gave up.

My family arrived in Newport on Thursday afternoon in a caravan of two. One had a cell phone, the other was following the car with the cell phone. My eldest brother and his wife live in the dark ages. No computer (translation: no e-mail) and no cell phone; it's only been a few years since they've started using the new fangled answering machine. This leaves the rest of the 'connected' family frustrated but what can you do? You can't make someone use e-mail or get a cell phone. I normally don't care that they don't have a cell phone but when your brother is like mine he needs a cell phone. That or a GPS tracking device strapped to his ankle.


I have much, much more to write about the gregariousness of my eldest brother but that will have to wait for another day - or today still but just after I finish this post.

So...the fam's first night in Newport we ate at Mo's - a seafood chain with infamous clam chowder. Eh. It tasted like potato soup. My grandma's chowder was far superior. Ivar's chowder is better. So is Charlestown Cafe's for that matter. I had fish and chips for dinner. Eh. Mo's was our second choice for dinner. The first place came highly recommended and came with a wait time of an hour for our group of 7 adults and 2 children. So Ryan, Mom & I drove down to Mo's because Ryan thought it was a long walk to Mo's from where we were (he was right).

After dinner Eldest brother went to fetch car for wife & children. We waited and waited and waited. Eldest brother was not returning with the car. Ryan, youngest brother & wife and I drove down to find Eldest. We craned our necks from side to side but to no avail. We could not find him. We got all the way to the end of the road where we originally parked and there was eldest brother's car minus brother. We turn back around and spot him - on the other side of the street is Mom, eldest's wife & daughter. He went to fetch the car but got sidetracked looking for a sweatshirt for wife and Mom, wife & daughter were able to walk back to car and meet up with him at the same time. He does need a tracking device - or a cell phone.

Next night we feasted on many different foods. Ryan, mom & I ate crab. Eldest and family ate steak, youngest & wife ate salmon kabobs and pizza.





That's me holding one of the crab. We put them in a bucket of water and in the bathtub while went to the beach. Can't have them crawling away, now can we?

Ryan and I boiled them and mom cleaned them. I cleaned half a crab but she was better at the rest of it so I let her shine.... (that and it was the messiest part of the cleaning process).

We were pretty excited that we found live crab for $7 a pound. The seafood markets were selling them closer to $10 a pound - and to buy just fresh crab meat was $37 a pound! As if!

I was amused the other day when I walked to the corner grocery store at home and saw live crab for $4.50 a pound. I'm thinking we are going to need another crab feast soon. We just need to cook it outside because it smells so bad. How can something so tasty smell so bad?

Before there was any feasting on crab or steak we spent our morning at the Newport Aquarium. We saw otters being fed, sea lions swimming, loads of sharks and got to put our hands in tanks to touch sea anemone & other squishy stuff. I saw two crabs mating. I think they were mating at least. They were facing each other but on the bottom of the tank; I tried to looking underneath to see what I could (there were many theories on what they were really doing - at first Mom thought they were fighting and a little boy said, "look! The mommy crab's holding the baby crab.") but I couldn't see much since I don't bend that well these days and the area was crowded.

Ryan took Laura, my 9 year old niece to the aviary. I do NOT like aviaries. Who wants to go into an enclosed area with poopy bombs flying overhead? Not I. Those birds are too comfortable with people and I don't want to be dive bombed or pooped on.

The only thing the aquarium was missing were penguins but seeing as how it was an Oregon coast aquarium I can forgive them for not having birds native to the Southern Hemisphere there.

At the end of our trip to the aquarium my feet were killing me. I sat on a bench and just waited for everyone to finish up and was glad they were all done, too. We walked back to the car - I waddled - and went back to the house where I was really looking forward to a nap. I laid down for maybe 20 minutes when I was informed it was time to go to the beach.

We piled into three cars and two of us drove the short distance to the beach and the other car went to the surf shop to get a wet suit for Candice (youngest's wife) and wave boards for the loonies who wanted to play in the cold, dangerous Pacific Ocean. We parked it on the beach - Ryan and I in folding camping style chairs and mom and Jenny (eldest's wife) on blankets and beach towels - we looked much more comfortable and much less sandy. Laura immediately stripped down to her bathing suit showing she was a native of the Northwest. The sun was shining and it was pleasant to be sitting in it with a gentle breeze but to be in a bathing suit? No way. She ran to the water and stuck her toes in - then ran back to grab her plastic bucket for water. It was amusing to watch. She would scoop up just enough sand in her bucket to form a hard sludge so when she went to pour it out a little water came out then the rest was suctioned to the bottom of the pail.

About 20 minutes after we got to the beach the surf crew showed up with their wave boards and a surf board. Joel wanted to try surfing since he had never done it before. The two brothers and Candice went into the water with just wave boards. The rest of us on the beach (read: sane ones) kept a head count going. One head bobbing, scan.... two heads bobbing... scan.... three heads bobbing. Sigh. Repeat. We felt somewhat comfortable because the voice of reason was with them in the form of the eldest brother. He is not a dare devil. Sure he probably did some dumb stuff as a teenager but he has since had two kids and has put many years between him and adolescence. Eldest brother grew very, very cold (duh- the Pacific is not a hot springs) so he sensibly left the water to avoid hypothermia and death. Youngest brother was either numb or didn't care and wife was in a wet suit so water temperature was not a factor for her.

As soon as the eldest left the water we became much more vigilant in the watching of the bobbing heads. Youngest brother is a dare devil. Not much respect for the ocean. His wife trusts him implicitly. We, his family, trust him just not when it comes to issues of safety.

We watched them get smaller and smaller in the growing surf. We waved trying to get their attention - to come closer. They waved back. Grrr. They took our frantic waving of them in as a 'hello'. Finally we got it through to them to come closer in. They came out of the water to check in with us. We told them to not go out so far. Youngest said we were over reacting. So when he left us we took that as our opportunity to tell Candice the truth about the ocean. (She's from Oklahoma). We told her:

1. you only have to be up to your ankles to be knocked down then sucked in
2. there are sneaker waves that well, sneak up on you and take you down (then out)
3. 4 people drowned in the Newport area that week alone - one at the very beach we were at

Then we told her what to do if she was caught in a rip tide (let it take you out then swim parallel to the shore and you will eventually end up back on the shore - just maybe a mile away from where you were pulled in - never fight it).

I think she thought we were crazy. Oh, well. Mom said growing up on the coast everyone knew someone who drowned in the ocean. You can never get comfortable around the ocean - it's pretty to look at provides tasty food but it's dangerous.

So, while we were trying to scare, I mean talk some sense into, Candice enough time had elapsed that Joel became quiet cold and decided to not go back in the water.

Score.

Since the wind picked up, was chilling us and giving us free microderm abrasion we decided to head back to the house to start dinner. That's when the crab, steak, salmon and pizza feast began. Oddly enough all of the food came together at the same time. I find it difficult to time toast and eggs so they are done at the same time but 7 people cooked 4 different kinds of food and they all finished within minutes of each other. That's something to write home about (or post on your blog).

The next morning Joel and Candice headed back to Portland to fly home as Joel had to report to his new job on Monday morning - he's going to be teaching 6th graders in a middle school. He's subbed in this school over the last year and says its a cake walk compared to the first school he taught in - an inner city high school where there was no discipline and the principal tried to be the students' friends. I really hope this year goes better for him. He told me a funny story about subbing. At the very beginning of class you have to sacrifice one student to let the other kids know they can't run you over. I thought that was pretty funny. I remember the subs we liked in school - they definelty were not the pushovers.

The rest of the crew headed to Coos Bay for our family reunion. It was about a 2 1/2 hour drive. We only had to stop once to potty and once to pick up some food for the potluck. We only spent about two hours there. Its been 3 years since my last appearance at a family reunion and I was able to see some cousins and aunts and uncles. I also saw lots of people I didn't recognize - not even a little. There were some glaring absences - BJ - the cousin closest to my age that I spent a lot of time with and cousin Marsha.

Just as we were getting ready to leave is when everyone got all chatty. That's usually how it works.

After 30 minutes of goodbyes we jumped back in the car for our 8 hour drive home. We dropped Mom off in Vancouver ate dinner at Subway and continued on. Then something really amazing happened on the way home; actually it is about what didn't happen. Ryan didn't turn into Mr. Grumpy Pants. 11.5 hours in the car in one day didn't anything to him. This is a miracle. I maintained a great attitude, too. Ryan hates driving. He despises road trips. Driving out to his mom's is about his limit - she is about an hour and a half away. My family is an extra 1 to 1.5 hours away. That is a drive he does not like. We got home around 11 or 11:30 pm and did a cat count (one, two), unpacked the car and went to bed.

That's it. We left, we relaxed and we came back. Now we work, work, work until the baby arrives. (OK, so Ryan goes fishing in Alaska for a week and I take the rest of my vacation piece meal until October 5th - my last day of work!!!)

Decisions

There are so many decisions to be made while on vacation. Should I go swimming first or take a nap first? Thai restaurant or family seafood restaurant? Which magazine should I read first, Real Simple or Domino?

Our last two vacations were cruises where you could fill your entire day with activities. They were fun but shore excursions were always stressful. The food was expensive because we landed in tourist hotbeds - the excursions were also expensive. It was stressful trying to find a cab that wouldn't charge more than the guide books told us was a reasonable charge. Walking the streets having vendors try to sell you all sorts of trinkets and junk was stressful.

Now, I window shop, I walk into the cute shops and browse. No pressure! I love it. I have my eye on a super cute purse in one shop. If I still am thinking about it by the end of our time here I just may go buy it.

In one shop I found the sunglasses of all sunglasses. Trendy but not a pair that would make my children laugh in 10 years when they saw a picture of me in them (sorry, Mom - those huge 80's glasses are just too funny). But alas, they were slightly crooked. I was tempted to buy them anyway but that would have been silly.

Ryan is doing some work remotely each day to pad his vacation time for his Alaska fishing trip next week so we've been coming to the library where there is free wireless internet. I am computer #3 which has a 30 minute time limit - the downstairs computers have a 60 minute limit.

My brothers, their wives & kids and my mom are joining us for 2 nights beginning tomorrow. I haven't seen my little brother since Thanksgiving so I'm really excited to see him and his wife. My little bro wanted to go crabbing but after talking to the locals and my mom who grew up on the coast we found out that crabbing season is effectively over and that what ever he would catch would be small and not have a lot of meat. Ryan spotted a fishing boat off some docks that sell fresh crab for $7 a pound (about $14 a crab) - compared to $22 to buy one at a restaurant - or for crab already cracked it's $37 a pound! Mom's going to bring the outdoor gas grill, pot, salt and nut crackers so we can buy it and cook it ourselves. The place we are staying does not permit crab to be cooked inside the unit or to even be consumed inside. I don't blame them - if' the carcass is not discarded properly you end up with a very stinky mess.

Can you tell I'm hungry for seafood? Uh, oh. I only have 5 minutes left and I need to google how much crab a pregnant woman can eat.

Later!