Monday, June 22, 2009

Grumblings of a Pregnant Woman

The more I think about pregnancy the more I have a bone to pick with God. I understand that creating a new life is a miracle. Really, I do. Sometimes I look at Gavin and wonder how it is possible that I was party to making him; or that he was small enough to live inside me and then come out.

My beef isn't in the wonderment of knowing a new human being is made from two teeny tiny parts. No, the beef is with the actual process of pregnancy.

Parenting is a lot of work; its constant. Sure it is rewarding but it is exhausting. I hear the physical exhaustion gives way to emotional exhaustion at some point but I'm dealing with what I know right now.

Wouldn't it make sense to make pregnancy a relaxing experience knowing that the years that lie ahead are going to be full of running after toddlers in the store, keeping an eye out for constant dangers (like buttons and paperclips, poisonous houseplants, knives, scissors...), midnight feedings which turn into midnight consolations, tantrums, meal time chaos, interrupted phone calls.... blah, blah, blah. I feel like I need to put in a disclaimer here that I wouldn't give up Gavin for all of the personal time in the world. I love the little guy more than life itself.... but my point here is that the work is never ending so shouldn't pregnancy be a time of physical well being?

I don't buy into the lie that its just getting us ready for what lies ahead. Who gets ready for big meeting at work the next day by dealing with heart burn, insomnia and 3 trips to the potty? How is that helpful?

Of course I think this pregnancy is going better than Gavin's did. I think my body hurts less and is experiencing less swelling because I'm not strapped to a desk all day but am instead running after a toddler and changing his diapers all day. Getting a nap every day helps, too.

Even though this pregnancy isn't as disastrous (relatively speaking) as the first it would still be nice to function above the zombie level for the first couple of hours in the morning. Speaking of morning. The sun is starting to rise... well, it's getting lighter out - I see no yellow glow but the gray of the skies lightening up a bit. Time for me to get a little snack that won't exacerbate the heart burn and go back to bed for an hour before Gavin wakes up.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Grumblings of a Failed Fashionista

I don't think its much of a secret that I'm not a fashionista but then if you know me, or at least see me from time to time it pretty plain to see; it's not something one can fake. It may come as a surprise however, that somewhere inside me, not too deeply buried, is a girly girl who wishes she could be dressed to the nines or at least be super cute and put together while doing even the most mundane of chores.

There are several obstacles that hinder me in the channeling of my inner fashionista. I think the first and foremost obstacle is laziness. OK, to be honest I don't have a lot of time to put into my clothes, hair and make up. And to be completely honest I still struggled with getting put together when I was childless so I think that brings me back to being lazy; or not caring enough to make it happen. I guess wanting a certain end result with little to no effort put in is another way to define lazy. Darn. I can't get around that one.


Money is another obstacle. We can certainly afford nice clothes but I can't afford to constantly replace the clothes that I stain with mustard, chocolate, tomato sauce, coffee, ink... you name it, if it stains it will make a bee line for my clothes. Of course, the lighter in color and the newer the garment the quicker the stain finds it. So instead of money being the second obstacle it is more like sloppiness.


What the good Lord gave me also gets in the way of fashion. A staple in my wardrobe are ribbed tank tops. I don't wander around Seattle in jeans and the quaintly nicknamed wife-beater ribbed tank but I do have to wear it under most blouses, shirts and dresses. If I don't the general public gets an eyeful of my chest. I think seeing that much flesh makes people uncomfortable and it makes me uncomfortable when you can see a man's eyes fighting the gravitational pull to look at the cleavage. I used to have a boss, that no matter what I wore - it could have been a baggy black turtle neck - whose eyes always strayed and ended up fixed on my boobs. The glazed over look always creeped me out. After a while if I knew he was coming to my work station I would grab some papers and hold them up over my chest to combat his zombie stare. If I was caught off guard I would try squirming away and kind of lower my head so he could see my eyes. I always wanted shout, "Up here! I'm up here!"


All of that to say I don't really appreciate what I was given on top. I could have lived with a bit less. It's so difficult to buy clothes that fit around the bust and the shoulders. If it fits around the bust then my shoulders swim in the extra fabric but if it fits around my shoulders bystanders get the added bonus of the peak-a-boo view of my bra between the gaping buttons as the buttons try their best to keep the two sides of the shirt closed.


Then there is reason that brings me to the title of this post, Fighting Tears in Nordstrum: shoes. I was shoe shopping yesterday and looking for a shoe that would go with just about anything, was comfortable and would work in summer and in the fall. The shoe shopping was brought about by my pregnant feet. Yep. My uterus is great with child but it's my feet that feel pregnant. It doesn't help that I may have a touch of arthritis flaring up in my big toe and that I have some nerve damage from the foot surgery I had last year. Pregnancy + arthritis + nerve damage = persnickety feet which in turn = sneakers.


Gag. I do NOT like sneakers. They are fine for other people and they are fine if I'm going for a walk but I do not like to wear tennis shoes as my everyday shoes. I want to wear something cute. And my standard for cute is pretty granola - brown or red clogs, maybe something a little like a maryjane shoe by ecco, danskno or clarks. But lo, it is not to be.

I told the salesman at Nordrstrum my requirements for the shoes and tacked on, "Oh, and they can't be hideous - or tennis shoes." Without even pausing he said, "It sounds like you need a tennis shoe." I protested, "Nein! No tennis shoes for me! Nein!"

After having the poor man bring me enough shoes to fill a wheel barrow I sheepishly handed him a pair of shoes that one can not deny resemble tennis shoes. They aren't old school style tennis shoes but they are tennis shoes nonetheless.


I started to get really upset as I sat in their super comfy leather chair feeding Gavin goldfish crackers to stave of a meltdown because it was dawning on me that I may never again be able to wear shoes where the top stops short of where the tongue of a tennis shoe would end. The salesman asked me a question and I gave him a short answer and avoided eye contact. I think he understood I was having a moment so he went away. After taking a couple of deep breaths and blinking back tears I collected myself and put on a happy face and paid for my tennis shoes.

My stupid, comfortable tennis shoes.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Extra! Extra! Read All About It!

Check it out. Gavin and I made the front page of the Seattle Times this morning. No joke. Ryan got a phone call from Marc Ramirez, the reporter Times reporter telling him we were on the front page this morning so Ryan came into our room with Gavin saying, "Mommy and Gavin are on the front page of the Seattle Times," to wake me up. I heard him but thought, "How would he know if the article ran today, he hasn't even left the house. And what would we be doing on the front page?"

When I finally opened my eyes I asked him what all this nonsense about being on the front page was and how would he know, anyway?

I hopped out of bed and Gavin and I went to the store to buy the paper. Here is a link to the article (which has a link to the youtube video): http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/home/index.html

Just to be clear I told the reporter that Ryan had everything to do with the surveillance cameras and getting the video posted to youtube but he was only mentioned as my husband in the article. No name mention. Boo.

Other than that it was a great article. Check it out.

Oh, if you want to see the photo of me and Gavin you will have to buy a copy of the paper as it's not in the on-line article.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Getting Reacquainted

When there is no e-mail and Facebook has lost its appeal what's an insomniac to do? That's right. Watch TV.

But lo, TiVo doesn't know me anymore. I flipped on the boob tube to see what was playing live and there was Montel Williams selling his own juicer. I don't understand celebrities hawking wares with their names plastered all over them. Well, that's not entirely true. The George Foreman Grill did seem to be a stand alone product in its heydey. I don't recall there being a lot of similar products out there. But a juicer/blender? Really? The market seems to be flooded with expensive blenders that do everything for you short of grow the tomatoes and carrots for you. They make will everything from sorbet to hot soup. What does Motel Williams have that is so revolutionary and new that it warrants creating a whole new line?

I digress... there was nothing on the tube so I flipped over to TiVo to see what we had recorded. There was just some news and late night shows. No thanks. Then I went to TiVo suggestions where there is usually a treasure trove of crime shows. Law and Order (pick one: the original, Criminal Intent or SVU), CSI (only the original, thank you) and Without a Trace were the standard ones that TiVo recorded.

TiVo died while we were on vacation so Ryan had to put in a new hard drive. That means all of our preferences were gone. TiVo doesn't know us. We are a blank canvas to TiVo. There are no more home improvement shows in the suggestions, no more crime shows, no more Friends or Seinfeld.

What am I supposed to do when tossing and turning, playing Hearts on the Nintendo DS, e-mail and Facebook fail to put me back to sleep? There is so much time with so little to do. Well... there is a lot to do but I don't think Ryan and Gavin would appreciate me vacuuming, doing laundry, cleaning the bathroom or cleaning the kitchen at 5 am.

What's a girl to do?

I'll tell ya what this girl did. After reading the an e-mail from a man who has shown interest in buying our dining room table and chairs I was pretty worked up. The man offered an extra $20 for me to take the listing down right away as he was going to send me a cashier's check and have movers come to pick up the table and chairs.

Do any of you use craigslist? What is the one warning that is always in big red bold caps with every e-mail generated from craigslist? DO NOT ACCEPT CASHIERS CHECKS!!! IT'S A SCAM!!!

I told the jerk that I'm no fool and we are accepting cash only. Then I followed a link from craigslist to the FTC where I filed a complaint. Part of me thought I shouldn't file the complaint in the off chance the guy is legit but then I read his first e-mail that read, "Is your posted item still available?" And to make it even more fishy the text was greyed out at the bottom of the screen - almost like it was a signature.

Stupid jerk.

Well, looky here. My own writing is putting me back to sleep. But my adorable son is in his crib. All 3 stuffed animals and his blankie have been tossed out of the crib per his usual waking routine. That gives me just a minute to wrap this up before he starts getting vocal in his demand to be taken out. I swear he is waking up earlier and earlier every day.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Skunk Bay & Misc. Photos

Here are a few more pictures of Gavin. Some were taken last weekend at a cabin in Hansville where we spent some time with our friends Heather & Joe and their daughter Pearle.

Enjoy the cuteness!


Family photo


Gavin loved walking up and down this bench.










My little guy with all sleeping necessities: sleepsack, doggy & B (blankie)










(he wanted his socks & shoes on but took off before I could finish dressing him)




Prediction: when he is able to use the dustpan he will no longer want to







His one nap that weekend - he fell asleep on the way back from Hansville to the cabin.


Pearle checking out the goods on the counter.



Heather grinding the beans for the morning brew.



Gavin's outfit was RIDICULOUS! Pearle's baby legs (the polka dot leg warmers on Gavin's arms, a yellow Li'l Kahuna t-shirt and blue doggy jammy bottoms). We took him to town dressed like this (minus the yellow sleepsack - I think we are going to have either a fashion challenged child or one who cares about fashion as much as his father and I do).




Pearle taking a taste test of her wooden top toy

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Paper or Plastic (or Both)?

I was at Safeway yesterday for a little respite (yes, I went grocery shopping when Ryan got home from work so I could have a little alone time). The actual shopping was uneventful. It's just shopping after all.

At checkout as I was putting my groceries on the conveyor belt I told the checker that I wanted paper, please. It seems the checkers don't ask paper or plastic like the used to so I pipe up before they have a chance to shove everything in plastic.

I looked up from the credit card machine and noticed the checker was putting the groceries in paper bags but the paper bag was inside a plastic bag.

What a complete waste. Why on earth ask for paper if you know they are going to give you paper bags and plastic bags? Safeway's paper bags are thin flimsy things without handles so they need the plastic bag to keep the groceries from falling out of the bottom of the bag.

Stupid Safeway. Why can't they just provide decent paper bags?

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Love - Hate

How is it possible to love and hate something simultaneously? Love and hate are on such opposite ends of the spectrum that it seems impossible that they could co-exist. Right now I'm rediscovering a love - hate relationship: pregnancy.



I am 21 weeks and am entering into the part of the pregnancy that I hate, although it turns out I'm hating it for different reasons this time around.



With Gavin I felt drained all day, every day. Then of course there was the lack of ankles, feet that felt like they would splice open at any given moment from the swelling, fat sausage fingers that felt so taut that bending them could be a tad uncomfortable, the asthma and hip and back pain... plus the 3+ trips to the bathroom every night to pee two drops worth.



This pregnancy feels much more mild thus far; I guess there is still plenty of time for it go south. I believe this time last year I was already having difficulty breathing, my ankles were long gone and I was actually making more trips to the bathroom and the hip pain was much, much worse (probably because I sat in a chair for 8 hours a day).



So, if it is so much less awful this time why would I hate still hate it? I'll tell you why. It all revolves around sleep. For the past three weeks I have been waking up between 2:30 and 4:30 in the morning. I lay there like a good girl and try to fall back asleep. Then my brain slowly turns on and before you know it I have a hundred thoughts running through my head. I try so hard when I get up to go the bathroom to remain in a somewhat sleepy state. I only half open my eyes and repeat, "stay asleep" in my head over and over. Then when I crawl back in bed I lay there half expecting to fall back asleep. But no... my brain is fully engaged.



After about a half hour of just hoping I'll fall back asleep I give up and grab Ryan's Nintendo DS and play hearts. Sometimes I'll get bored enough to turn it off and close my eyes but sleep doesn't follow. After a half hour of stupid games I succumb to wakefulness and get out of bed. I check my e-mail and get on facebook to see who else is up and what happened since I went to bed -usually not much has happened.



About 6:00-6:30 I'm ready to climb back in bed for the deepest, most relaxing sleep of the 'night'. Between 7:00-7:30 Gavin wakes up. If Ryan is still home he'll get him out of his crib and bring him to me. I let him crawl over me in the bed for a few minutes before I drag myself out of bed. Then I throw my pillow on the floor in the living room and lay down. If I'm lucky Gavin wants to read books. He brings me a "boo" and I hold it over my face so he can't see my eyes closed and I recite the books from memory. If I'm unlucky - which I have been this week he puts his hand to his mouth and says, "me, me, me, me, me, me" - which means in Gavin speak "Feed me". Then I get to put the hungry toddler in his high chair as he begins to whine because his food does not magically appear on his tray as soon as its snapped in place.



Whining, especially in the morning when you are running on empty, is especially annoying. I have zero tolerance for whining. Zero.



After breakfast I try to do some form of cleaning - usually the kitchen from the night before but that doesn't last long because Gavin is soon clinging to my leg asking me to read him another "boo" or he is trying to climb on dining room chairs so he can climb onto the dining room table. Oy.



At some point I manage to get dressed and we can leave the house to do something, anything. Although it appears my days of shopping with Gavin are coming to an end. He is always trying to climb out of the cart or slip out of the stroller and he screams when I try to put him back.



I could handle the toddler behavior a little bit more if I wasn't so tired all of the time. We are down to our last four months of just the two of us (during the day) and I want to enjoy our summer time together before the new baby arrives this fall when the weather turns wet and gloomy. Its so hard to feel like a good mom when you are so tired you just want to lay on the floor and hope that your toddler is content climbing on you like a jungle gym. That certainly won't win me the most engaging mom of the year award.



And then there is today of course. After my midnight waking I managed to lull myself back to sleep (feet at the head of the bed and head at the foot) when I heard the dog howl. She had herself a little doggy dream. I find her little barks and such cute when I'm awake and watching her little paws twitch and her cheeks puff out as she sleep barks but not when it wakes me up.



I gave up and got out of bed. Just as I was ready to go back to bed Gavin woke up. I resettled him as it was about 5:30. About 6:00 he started chattering, by 6:30 he started crying. About 6:31 I started crying. Ryan was in the shower so I had to get up.



By time he got out of the shower Gavin was in his high chair eating his cut up whole grain toaster waffle and milk and I was sitting in the middle of the living room crying. I just sorted his alphabooks and put them back in the box - I was too tired to try and find the two missing letters. Ryan came over and patted my back. I cried even more, "I'm so tired," and threw the box of alphabooks in Gavins empty kiddy chair. Then I blubbered on about hating pregnancy sounding a bit like the Muppet Beaker.



Ryan told me to go back to bed and I said I would try for an hour. I slept solidly for about 40 minutes - I could have slept much longer but I didn't want Ryan to miss work on my account. When I got up he said I could go back to sleep but I told him what I got was able to get me past the crazy state.



I drove Ryan to work and took Gavin and myself to Westwood Village to get him some sandals that don't fall off and me some shoes that don't give me calluses. On the way home Gavin started to fall asleep. I panicked when I saw that so I started handing him goldfish and talking chipper to him. Of all days to take a nap in the car today was not an option. I managed to keep him awake but just barely. Today is a day when a nap for him is required because I need a nap. But its not going to happen. He's in his crib fighting it right now as I write this. I hope it I write long enough he'll just go to sleep. How can he not take a nap? He woke up so early and was so grumpy - he needs a nap and I need him to take a nap.



I'm going to go and try to resettle him. Wish me luck.



And sleep.



And sanity.



****



Settle he did not. He was hungry. He ate some banana, a few raisins and one bite of the same rice he devoured last night. An hour later I was able to lay him back down. I'm waiting for him to fall asleep before I try - if I fall asleep and he wakes up screaming after 15 minutes it will be much worse than not sleeping at all.



So, I guess I pretty well covered the hate part of pregnancy. In a nutshell, I hate that I am operating on such little sleep that I am not able to fully enjoy my time with Gavin. I don't want to be mentally absent, crabby and sluggish in our last bit of time alone. Plus feeling so negative about pregnancy makes me feel like I'm being negative towards the little baby in me - and that I'm an ingrate for being blessed with this little life in me. To be clear - I am thrilled to have this little person in me but I'm less than thrilled with the many other physical manifestations of pregnancy.



Of course I hate that I'm not one of those women who just love pregnancy and everything that it comes with. Of course, most women who just love pregnancy seem to have no ill side effects beyond first trimester morning sickness. No swelling, no stretch mark, no aches and pains. I see them look at me with quizzical eyes when they sense my maternal glow is from being so darn hot and not from warm fuzzies floating about me. It seems odd to hate the very thing that brings you such a wonderful little human. One that will make you love deeper than you thought possible. One that will make you wonder how you ever lived without seeing a baby chomp on his own toes. One that will break your heart when it cries in pain.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

The Cost of 3 Stiches

A couple of months ago I gave myself a nice puncture wound via a blender blade. I ended up in the ER for about 6 hours. My time there was pretty uneventful; afterall I just received three stiches and a weak dose of lidocaine.

What does 6 hours in an ER, one shot of lidocaine and three stiches cost these days? $1,189.00

I've had cars that cost less than those three stiches. That was double the rent on my first apartment - it's more than the mortgage on our rental. I am very thankful that we have health insurance - even if it was lousy coverage (as compared to the insurance provided by Ryan's employers) - because we are only responsible for $276.19.

The amount we owe seems a little more reasonable for the entire charge. Was I billed for the actual time spent in the ER? Do they realize how little time I saw any one person for?

By the way, the ER trip was on February 8th and I received the bill today - June 2nd. Before Regence would pay the bill they had to ask me a bunch of questions in a form to make sure they couldn't sue someone else to make them pay for what happened.

I also received a bill today for an ultrasound I had recently. The radiology department billed my insurance company $996 for the ultrasound but they have some sort of deal with my insurance company (I imagine twisted arms are involved) and wa-lah the cost is magically reduced to $579.46. Does that mean if I was poor and couldn't afford insurance I would have to pay the full $996 for the ultrasound? I had a dentist in Vancouver (Dr. Lee on 164th Ave NE & NE 18th St - who is excellent, by the way) who gave me a 5% cash discount because I paid cash. I don't know if he normally did that for me or if he just felt bad because I was a working student - either way I was grateful for the discount.

Someone explained to me that healthcare providers can't give cash discounts because that is considered price fixing or insurance fraud - something pretty naughty. So they charge far more than the service actually costs knowing full well the insurance company will try to haggle them down to nothing for payment. I love having health insurance but it is such a pain knowing that you are paying a little over $700 a month (with it going up $100 every year) and you still have to haggle with payments. We could have bought a cheaper health plan but the cheaper ones don't cover pregnancy and if there is ever a time to have insurance it is when you are pregnant because even the routine care is spendy - let alone if you have complications.

The days of paying out of pocket for 100% of our health insurance is behind us for now. To have Gavin and myself insured through Ryan's employer is a little over $200 a month - so we are saving about $500. PLUS we have no more car payments!!! WOO-HOO!

Baby Names

Don't get too excited about the post title because I'm on the fence about broadcasting the names we like this time around. I have been pretty open about names that I like and have had some pretty vehement opposition to a few names I really, really like. Of course the vehement opposition and foaming at the mouth make me want to use those particular names even more but Ryan does not feel the same way. I guess I mostly want to keep the few names we both like under wraps so as to keep Ryan from getting spooked because he does read this from time to time nowadays.

I will, however give you some names that I adore but are probably not going to happen because we can't get a consensus between the two of us or because other people's foaming at the mouth at the mention of the name turned part of the party off to it or because it just doesn't 'work'.

Desmond - to be called Dez. I don't care what anyone says - I really like this name. If Ryan changed his mind I would pick it. A lot of people just don't like it but I think our awesome little dude would become that Desmond that other people would say of, "I knew a Desmond, he was a really nice guy," and have a positive association with the name. Ryan's the one who first brought this name to the table.

Gabriel - to be called Gabe. If we named #2 something that start with a 'G' we would feel obligated to name #3 with a 'G' as well. We don't want to be "that" family. Plus it's Sylar's real name on Heroes.

Elijah - to be called Eli. I LOVE this name but Ryan thinks its too biblical (he just doesn't like it).

Ezra - a friend named her baby Ezra and Ryan doesn't like it for his son. If he's not keen on Elijah then Ezra does seem even more exotic.

Zachariah - to be called Zach. Heck, I just like the name Zach but Ryan is anti one-syllable names since our last name is so short and I would only go with Zachariah to get the nickname Zach.

Jack - put it together; it doesn't work unless you are a California surfer dude singing mellow tunes.

Luke - too short and there is NO way I would do Lucas (went to school with a kid we called Lucas Pucas - well, I didn't call him that but I thought it). I do think I did call one kid by his nickname, Yelly Kelly - I don't recall if his name was actually Kelly - I think he was just loud and really, what else goes with Yelly?

Charley - It's so darn cute but it seems like he would need a more grown up name for adult hood.

Henry - It just seems so cute for a little boy. Of course, this name also causes people to sputter and spew - that and it's too popular in Seattle. And Ryan doesn't like it.

Keaton - Ryan doesn't like that it's a last name.

Isaac - it's growing in popularity (a negative for me) plus I don't think Ryan is as on-board with it as he was the last time around. That and I don't want to give #2 a name we decided against the first time 'round. Would he feel like a runner up?

Ethan - Ryan really, really, really likes this name but it is insanely popular. Plus it is the name of a pseudo-villain from the first season of Lost. He's the creepy dude who tried to kill Charlie.

Colin - this one is all Ryan. I don't like the name because of a kid I grew up with named Colin - that and its too close to colon in my head. Everyone else likes the name, though.

Milo - yep, it's kind of old but I like it nonetheless

Miles - I like it but its off the table because it just doesn't seem right to have a transportation engineer name his child Miles.

Nathan - I don't like the full name but like the one-syllable nickname, Nate.

Sawyer - I liked the name last time but I like it even more this time. Most people dislike it. I think Ryan likes the name but not for his son. Of course, one of our favorite TV shows has a character named Sawyer so that doesn't help matters.

That's about it for names we are not using (unless Ryan has a change of heart for some reason).

Don't try to pressure me into giving you a list of names we like because that will only strengthen my resolve to not do it.