Scofflaw

Cue Western high noon show down music: April just entered the room. And repeat music.

There is a stretch on the West Seattle Bridge where everyone speeds; the stretch where everyone speeds spans the entire length of the bridge. The speed limit on the narrow portion that is two lanes in either direction separated by a tiny 18" barrier is 35 but once it widens to 3 and 4 lanes in each direction the speed limit goes up to 45.

Those are the post speed limits but if you do not drive at least 10 mph over the speed limit you can plan on creating an angry wake of tailgaters. I've caught myself many a time zipping along at 50 mph, going with the flow of traffic, in the 35 mph stretch. When I catch myself going that fast I take it down to 43 or 44. I am one of those people who actually believe that a cop will be less likely to pull you over if your speed is not in excess of 10 mph over the limit.

You never see people get pulled over on the eastbound side of the bridge but the cops often set up clever speed traps on the westbound side - they must love it - it's like shooting fish in a barrel. The motorcycle patrol comes out in full force, there have to be at least 4 or 5 cops working the westbound side. A couple of cops parks their bikes at the top of on ramp of a permanently closed ramp and point their radar guns at the cars speeding by then take off after the speeder. The cars pull over in one little area if they are able to, if not they take the next exit. The cop, after writing a ticket, drives east a couple of blocks on the street below the bridge and gets back on at the closed ramp. He just does circles really. Up the ramp, nab a speeder, down the ramp, write a ticket, back up the ramp and round and round he goes.

So today I am driving to West Seattle as I was taking some stuff to a friends house. I was being a particularly well behaved citizen as I was only going 5 miles over the speed limit. Maybe that doesn't make me good so much as it makes me less bad. At any rate, I was inching along the narrow portion of the bridge at a leisurely pace of 40 miles per hour. This infuriated the woman driving a truck behind me. To add to her frustration (and eventually my glee) was that she couldn't pass me because there was someone else next to me who was also feeling like a good citizen and was only breaking the law by 5 mph as well.

Sometimes I feel for the person and will make an attempt to get out of their way. Today was not such a day. The woman's scowl, the way she was hunched up over the steering wheel and lets not forget the most important reason she stayed behind me was that she was on my tail. I said, "Oh, you want me to slow down even more do ya?" as if she could hear me. But I don't like it to make it really obvious I'm slowing down just to get under her skin so I just eased up on the gas a bit. Take that, angry lady! Besides, the lanes were going to open up and she could very easily pass me.

Which she did. She took her first opportunity and jumped out ahead of me and slowed down! Well! I didn't think I was that obnoxious. I only slowed down a mile or two an hour, technically, I was still speeding. If I had wanted to be super annoying I would have slowed down to the post speed limit.

As I was thinking grumpy thoughts about this woman who was in such a hurry to get around me because I wasn't breaking the law by great enough of a margin I saw the dreaded motorcycle cop.

They changed up their routine! There was only one and he was at the gore of the last exit before the bridge turned into 35th Avenue at the top of the hill. (Gore, not just a former vice president, inventor of the Internet and Nobel Peace Prize winner, a gore is the name of the painted triangular space between on/off ramps and the lanes of the highway. Yes, I am married to a transportation engineer, and yes, I am a geek). So... there was Mr. Officer on his hog with his radar gun. He pointed it at Ms. Angry Tailgater then, after checking the speed, he put me in its sights! It was too late! I hit the brakes and said, "Ah! But I was going so slow and she was tailgating me!" out loud, as if he could hear me. As if he would care even if he could hear me.

The officers next action is one that strikes fear in the hearts of drivers across the nation. He checked the speed then put the gun away and pulled out into traffic! I was the last one he pointed it at! He was coming after me! Me! I was only a mild breaker of the law! Doesn't he know it's all relative? Why me? Why?

There I am, now going the speed limit and thinking about what I'm going to do when he catches up to me and pulls me over. I peek in the rear view mirror and see him way, way back there and I saw a brief flash of blue and white lights. It was then that I realized how far behind me he was and that he never gestured at me and that we were approaching a pretty big turn before we hit 35th. With several cars between me and the cop I prayed for a green light when we hit 35th so he wouldn't have a chance to catch up to me and find me, if I was his intended target, that is.

The sun was shining on me because the light stayed green and nary a cop with flashing lights to be found I made a very sharp turn that took me immediately into a residential neighborhood and away from the flow on the majority of the traffic.

No ticket for me today.

When I told Ryan this story he asked me, "So, you out ran a cop?"

Let me be clear: I did not out run a cop. I only think that he was going to pull me over. He did not give me any indication that he wanted me to pull over; sure I never gave him a chance to give me a sign but whose fault is that? Really. I know I watch a lot of Law & Order and CSI (just the original, thank you very much) but I don't think I outfoxed the cop. He probably was after someone else.

OR... I became his white whale today! The one that got away. He is Captain Ahab and I'm Moby. Or he's the traffic cop and I'm Newman from Seinfeld. You know, neither analogy is all that flattering to me so I'm just going to stop.