The Dissolution of (my) Resolution

Every year when the calendar flips from December to January many of us think of ways we can better ourselves. We resolve to quit smoking, to organize our closets, to lose weight, to move one step closer to perfection. Sure no one actually says their resolution is to become perfect but isn't that what the resolutions are all about? Trying to channel our inner ideal.

I long ago gave up making New Years resolutions. Every year I would make a list and every year I would break every last resolution. I still fought with my brothers, didn't help my mom around the house as much as I could have, didn't read my bible every day and I certainly did not keep my room clean. This year is no different, I made no list of promises to break so I can just feel bad about myself. I haven't made any resolutions; not really.

For Christmas I was given the book Eat to Live by my mother-in-law - she gave it to everyone because she loved it so much. I read the book over three days and I grew more and more excited about applying what I was learning to my diet. My goal was to see if I really could lose 20 pounds in 6 weeks like the doctor promised in his book. If the diet worked for the first 6 weeks then I would continue until I lost the 50 pounds I've gained since I was 18.

The weight has come on so gradual that I'm shocked when I see myself in the mirror. 3.5 pounds a year really adds up after 13 years. In my head I'm still the skinny girl who of course thought she was fat. If I could go back in time and slap myself I would. Then after I slapped me I would tell myself to be wary of fast food and soda and the biggest enemy out there - time and it's evil effect on metabolism. I'm not that skinny girl anymore it's more like I'm the girl who ate the skinny girl.

Dr. Fuhrman, the author of Eat to Live, is pretty down on meat and dairy, he's basically vegan. He makes some good arguments for a vegetarian diet and he sites study after study after study about how harmful the consumption of animal proteins is harmful to human health. He's also not a fan of refined carbohydrates. His 6 week diet is very strict. Absolutely nothing that is an animal or came from an animal. Sucky. I like animals seeing as how they are so darn tasty.

Ryan was starting a diet on January 1st so I decided my 'go' date would be the first as well. On New Year's Day I went to Trader Joe's to stock up on fruits, vegetables, whole wheat pita bread, beans, beans and more beans and nuts. Trader Joe's was closed and as much as I wanted to delay this new way of eating I went a few blocks east to Safeway where I spent an inordinate amount of time in the produce department. My cart was overflowing with fruits and vegetables, it looked like I was on my way to start my own produce stand.

On the Eat to Live diet you don't count calories because it would be impossible to eat so much lettuce that you gain weight. Oh, the lettuce! Two big salads a day. Of course there isn't dressing to go with the salad. Well, not good dressing. No Newman's Own Balsamic Vinaigrette. He gave a recipe for some Apple Pie Salad dressing. Sorry, but a shredded apple with some cinnamon and orange juice may be sweet and tasty but it does not taste like and apple pie and it is kind of bizarre on a romaine salad.

I was a good girl for a while and by a while I mean 3 and a half days. I ate homemade hummus made without a drop of oil - it was pretty good, I ate lots and lots of salads, some oatmeal without so much as a grain of sugar or dollop of butter or splash of milk, I ate broccoli and Amy's vegan chili (yummy). As each day wore on I grew grumpier and grumpier. I wasn't hungry and if I did get hungry I would eat and apple or an orange. I just don't like having anything off limits to me.

I pooped out at dinner time on day 4. We were having some friends come over and I didn't want to eat something different from everyone else. So I'm off the Eat to Live diet but my diet is better for having read the book. I'm eating many more fruits and vegetables which, besides being good for you, fill you up so you have less room (and less desire) for other less healthy foods.

My new diet is one I like to call Moderation. We'll see how it goes.

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Please don't post comments that resemble anything like the following:

"April! Really. You will be too skinny if you lose 50 pounds!"

"C'mon! You look great! Everyone loves curves."

"Seriously, you look normal."

To the above comments I read (envision Charlie Brown's teacher talking): "Wah, wah, wah, wah."

50 pounds, people. 5-0. Not cool.