Neurotic

I'm not a perfectionist. Not even close. I've heard it argued that people who live in squalor are sometimes perfectionists. It's not a complete stretch. When one wants everything to be perfect - the house, the car, the food, the clothes and they realize it is impossible they don't know where to put their efforts in cleaning as it all seems pointless because they can never maintain their ideal.

That still doesn't describe me because we don't live in squalor; not even close. It's a bit disheveled but I try to keep it clean even though papers stack up and pens and glasses are left scattered about but I will still vacuum, clean the sinks and scrub the toilet. Then when I'm cleaning the microwave I notice the knobs on the stove are a bit icky. I pop 'em off and clean then. Then I notice the pulls on the kitchen cabinets need to be wiped down. Then I notice the seam between the counter top and the cook top has an accumulation of food in the crevice so I scrub it and scrub it and when that doesn't work I get out the box of toothpicks to complete the job. Before you know it I've scrubbed the kitchen floor on my hands and knees because I mop so infrequently that a regular mopping just won't do and the base molding was also in need of some spot cleaning and *poof* an hour just flew out the window. And for what? A kitchen that will stay clean until the next meal is prepared?

Lame.

I'm sitting at the dining room table as I write this with my back to a messy kitchen that I can't clean right now for fear of waking Gavin and I face a mass of papers on the table that I'm not going through because I really don't want to and beyond the pile of papers are three baskets of laundry in the living room that need to be folded that aren't going to be folded tonight because I need to vacuum the area rug before I fold clothes (it's fold them on the area rug or on the kitchen table and it will be way easier to vacuum the area rug than go through the mountains of papers). But I can't vacuum because it is midnight and I would wake Ryan and Gavin. That would make for two grumpy guys. Not so good.

I did get one thing accomplished today (aside from washing and drying all of the clothes): clean sheets on the bed. Clean sheets are so nice; I really should change them twice a week but it is such a hassle because I take them off in the morning but never put them back on until the evening when Ryan is ready to go to bed. You think I would learn to put the sheets on before he is ready for bed.

Not for the reason you think. It is not about getting the bed ready before the bread winner is ready for his hard earned sleep. It is about putting the sheets on the way I want them on. It about getting them on without being hassled by said bread winner.

A few things from nursing school have stuck with me. Making a perfect bed, as it pertains to sheets only, has stayed with me. Anyone who has gone through nurse's aide training or nursing school is taught the fine art of making a hospital bed (and often making a bed with an immobile person in it). I used to tuck the top sheet in on both sides and at the foot of the bed and make perfect 45 degree corners at the foot of the bed. Making corners with the sheets on my bed at home is borderline certifiable craziness. Since I can't stand the top sheet tucked in I no longer tuck them in but each corner of the bottom sheet has to be secure in its attachment to the mattress; the elastic has to reach all the way around the corner and rest on the underside of the mattress. There can be no buckling and bunching on top at the corners. The sheet needs to be stretched and taut, no waves and wrinkles.

I'm not done. The top sheet. It needs to be smooth and wrinkle free with an equal overhang on each side of the bed with the foot board end of the sheet tucked neatly down the foot board but not under the mattress because that would be silly since we don't like our sheets tucked in.

Believe it or not I've dialed back the crazy as related to the bed sheets because I used to have specifics for the pillow cases as well (the seam of the pillow case and the opening of the pillow case all had to be just so).

If there was a question before I think the above settled it: I am neurotic about the sheets on my bed. But there is a catch. They only have to be perfect the when I first put them on. The day after I put the clean sheets on I don't go to any great measures to make the bed. I pull the top sheet up and make a half hearted attempt to pull the duvet up over the pillows. That's it. So, yeah, I'm a little crazy. I admit it.

People, what do we do with crazy people?

a) poke them with a stick
or
b) let them be

You smart folks chose 'b', I just know you did.

What does my beloved husband do? He pokes me with a stick! When we are making the bed at night with the clean sheets he enjoys trying to get under the top sheet before I've smoothed out the wrinkles. He likes to throw his pillow on the top sheet as I'm trying to put the top sheet on. He likes to do the last corner because he knows he can't do it as well as I do - he always says its impossible to get all four corners on.

I know I'm a bit crazy over this matter of seeming little significance but let me have my bit of crazy! I'm not hurting anyone. Not yet at least.

Don't mess with my sheets.