Time

When do we become aware of time? More specifically, when do we become aware of the passing of time? It seems as children time is something we will to go by, and to please go by quickly, already! Time seemed to stand still as a child. I remember my mom granting me 15 minutes to play across the street with the neighbor kids when, judging by the house associated with the memory, I was under 6 years old. That quarter of an hour seemed like all of the time in the world. I also remember it taking forever to eat an apple and that half an apple was a big snack. Oh, to be filled up by half an apple.



The first 18 years went by so slowly although time did pick up its pace in passing as the years went on, especially high school. Time in Junior High felt like it stood still then picked up pace in the high school years; probably because I was starting to enjoy school and was becoming comfortable being me; just residing in my own skin. I wasted so much time wishing I was someone else when the people I wished I was were probably doing some silly self swapping wishing of their own.



On some level I knew that time was precious and limited because my dad died so young, when I was so young, but I still did not appreciate the gift of life and of the limited time we have with the life we are given. My eyes were opened a bit for the first time to the rapid nature of time passage in my senior year of high school, in PE - the class I hated most. It was in the Fall because I planned to get PE over with so I could fully enjoy my senior year and made sure my requirements were met early. In class that day we were jogging some number of miles, probably 3. For at least part of the jog around campus and the adjacent football stadium, McKenzie stadium, and its woods I was with my friend Wendy - or I think was because she was in my little vision. Maybe it was an after school jog which I was crazy enough to do from time to time when I wanted to get into shape.



There we were jogging in the woods near the football field chatting about what ever it was we chatted about - probably boys - when I had the most surreal vision. I felt like I was looking at us from outside my body; I was looking down on us, jogging on the brown dirt path strewn with Evergreen needles, idly chatting, waiting to get on with life and finish this last year of school and I saw it all, that very event, as a distant even of the past. Time shot forward into the future like an arcing flash of light and I was sitting in a rocking chair reflecting on this distant memory from my youth.



That event was just my first real introduction to time passage. I am now keenly aware of how quickly it passes. It gets faster and faster with each passing year feeling shorter and shorter than the previous year. Having a child accelerates time passing like nothing else. The more I want to hold on to the time I have now the swifter it passes. I feel like I'm holding on to sand and trying to hug it close to my body in a vain attempt to keep as much as I can.



My baby is a year old now. A year! Heck, it's been two weeks since his birthday, he almost 13 months old. Was it only yesterday to my mom that I was a baby? That her brood was still in her nest? My nest isn't full but I already anticipate that it will be empty in the blink of an eye.



Part of me wishes that I wasn't so acutely aware of how quickly time passes but if I wasn't aware would I appreciate the time that I have with loved ones less? Can one be in a perpetual state of thanksgiving and awe for what all that one has?