Fog

If you know me you know I really enjoy writing. It took me a while to realize how much I like to write. In school I thought writing assignments in English classes were ridiculously easy so I enjoyed them. While the class toiled away to write a poem in whatever style we were learning about I put pen to paper and bam! was done. Then I had the rest of the period to read whatever novel I was working on, "Gone With the Wind", or more realistically, a Philipa Carr romance novel. It was Jr. High, after all.

These days I want to sit down and click away on the keyboard and spill my guts but I can't. For two reasons. The first reason being the stuff is waaaay to personal. Too personal? From the woman who told the world about near crippling nightmares and the breast biopsy that got infected? Yep. Too personal. Nothing going on physically (not at the moment anyway - my face is healed and I only have one tiny scar on my chin as proof of my days scaring the kids in the drive throughs on 4th Ave). Nothing with me and Ryan - just stuff I'm working through. Maybe I'll write a book about it one of these days. After I've conquered... the stuff ... and it feels like ancient history.

The other reason is the fog. My brain is pretty foggy these days. Sure, I can waste time on facebook and occasionally read other people's blogs but that doesn't take much mental acuity.

I've been trying to figure out for how long this state of sleep deprivation I'm in has been going on. I think I try to quantify it to make myself feel better about how little I cook, or clean or do the things housewives are supposed to do.

I figure the poor sleep started almost as soon as I got pregnant with Gavin - that was about January/February 2007. Gavin slept through the night for 2 weeks in February or March of 2008 before finally sleeping through the night somewhere around December/January 2008/2009. That gave me about a month and a half of good sleep before I got pregnant with Theo. Then sleep went back down the crapper.

So... I haven't had good sleep (at least 4 hours at a stretch) since before February 2007 - almost THREE AND A HALF years ago.

Poor me. Poor moms everywhere.

Theo will sleep through the night eventually. I am really looking forward to that eventuality.

In other sleep related news: Gavin is sleeping in his big boy bed! Tonight is the first successful night. It has been two hours and he is asleep and did not tried to escape - not even once! We tried last week and he was leaving his room every few minutes. I would hear his bedroom door open and him say, "Uh, I fink... uh, DIS one!" and he would come running out with the toy he selected - trying the whole time to not smile. You could see how pleased he was with his clever self at selecting just the right toy and his grand entrance into the living room. It was all too cute and very hard to not smile. I did break the stern parent face a time or two which I'm sure made the whole ordeal that much more fun. Until I put him back in his crib.

Tonight I asked him where he wanted to sleep. He said his big boy crib; so I had him point. He wanted the bed so I put him down and we said prayers and sang our usual songs. Then I told him if he left his bedroom I would put him back in his crib.

I hope tomorrow goes just as smooth.